We were talking about serving in our small group this week, and someone brought up something that I had never thought of before. She said every time before they went out on stage their worship leader would tell them they were invisible. Their job was to play music and lead people to worship God. No one should see them up on the stage with their instruments. It wasn’t about them. It was about God.

This is SO hard. Every week we are up on the stage and on the big screen. Over 1,000 people see us each week. We are recorded, put online, watched, critiqued, judged. People notice how we dance, mess up, make faces, sing wrong words, or trip over chords. We get tons of comments about what we wear. What we should wear. How our hair looks. Ok, maybe that’s just the girls, but still. I once had a lady tell me that she loved the necklace that the keyboard player wore. It was turquoise and she always noticed when she was wearing that necklace. She loved it so much. It was such a great necklace. She couldn’t even remember what the keyboard player looked like, but she wanted me to tell her that she loved that necklace. (It was me) I stopped wearing the necklace. A very wonderful father of one of my good friends hugs me every week after service and tells me I’m a rock star. Makes my day. 🙂 But honestly. How hard is it to go up there week after week and NOT think about what you look like or what 1,000 people are thinking about you?

Her comment really got me thinking. I am invisible. I should BE invisible.

So as I fall asleep tonight and think about getting up in the morning and leading people in worship, I am praying that God would help me to be invisible. That they wouldn’t see me or my new skirt or Britt’s boots, or how awesome Willie is when he gets really into playing the bass. I’m praying that we would be invisible. And that we would lead the people to see God. To worship Him. To see that it’s not about us at all.

He is all that matters.

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I’m absolutely loving Downton Abbey. The fashion, hairstyles, stories…all of it. Love it

Today my friend Rebecca, my dad & I made an amazing dinner. We had shaved brussels sprouts, oven roasted dill potatoes, grilled Portobello mushrooms, and warm Italian bread. For dessert we made this amazing gluten-free, Kahlua, mocha swirl cheesecake. It was delicious! Didn’t look to bad either! We had a wonderful evening snapping pictures of food, cooking together, laughing with Papa, watching tv and just enjoying each others company. So thankful for good friends & family!

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Today my brother and I did something I have always wanted to do. We made sushi! It wasn’t well planned or fully thought out it was more of a spur of the moment decision but it was still awesome! We made 3 rolls with smoked salmon, cucumber, avocado, cream cheese, bacon, soy wrappers and sushi rice. So much fun. AND gluten-free!

From the first moment when I heard Your name
Something in my heart came alive
You showed me love and no words could explain
A love with the power to
Open the door
To a world I was made for

And I watch as the cold winter melts into spring
And I’ll be remembering You
Oh and I’ll smell the flowers and hear the birds sing
and I’ll be remembering You, I’ll be remembering You

And I’ll watch as the sun fills a sky that was dark
And I’ll be remembering You
And I’ll think of the way that You fill up my heart
And I’ll be remembering You

This song was written for one of the Narnia movies and I love it. My favorite line is “You showed me a love and no words could explain, a love with the power to open the door to a world I was made for.” It’s so amazing to think that we weren’t made for this world! Most days I am extremely thankful for that because I don’t fit in here. I feel like such an outsider. But isn’t that what the bible calls us? Aliens & strangers?

Hebrews 11:13 …They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance. And they admitted that they were aliens and strangers on earth.

How odd that one would admit that. But here I am admitting it. I’m a stranger here. This isn’t where I belong. And someday the door will be opened into the world I WAS made for. How I long for that day. Tyler wrote a note on the inside of my Chronicles of Narnia book. I will never forget it as long as I live. He ends it by saying, “In the darkest times,, know you are loved, and made for a place such as Narnia.” I love that. And I cling to that hope. I can’t wait to see Jesus face, worship him, and spend the rest of my days forever fitting in. A world where I belong.

Narnia

Never mind, I’ll find someone like you

I wish nothing but the best for you

Don’t forget me, I begged, I remember you said

Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead

~ Adele ~

Its been an interesting day. Events that transpired got me thinking. Sometimes things seem so crazy. Or so terrible. Or hopeless. When you are in the middle of it you can’t see a way out. You can’t see the lesson you are supposed to learn. You don’t know how this situation can EVER be worked out for good. Because its bad. It’s crushed you. Broken your heart. You were clinging so desperately to the smallest hope and now you’re dashed on the harsh rocks of reality.

But dig deeper. In what or whom are you placing your hope? Because I have found that every single thing and person on this entire earth WILL disappoint you. I think I am slowly beginning to learn, God is patiently continuing to show me that no matter where I place my hope, I will always be missing something. I will always get disappointed or hurt or angry. Unless I place my hope in Him. And it’s so hard when you are so dedicated to a cause or so in love with a person or so faithful to a friend; when you are swiftly replaced, forgotten, or scorned. It hurts. Sometimes very, very badly. But I’m beginning to see. I’m slowly learning. I need to shift my hope. As John Piper would say I need to move the bottom of my joy. The bottom of my joy needs to be Christ. My hope needs to be in Christ. I need to cling to Him, love Him so deeply and be completely faithful to him.

Then I think that when the trials come; when disappointments arise; I can have my hope so firmly rooted in Jesus that even though it still might hurt and may still be painful, I will see hope. I will see the lesson I need to learn. And I WILL see how God can work out the situation for good and for His glory.

Romans 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Psalm 139:15 & 16 My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When i was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. ALL the days ordained for me were written in your book BEFORE one of them came to be.

I AM the Lord your God

who teaches you what is best for you

who directs you in the way you should go

IF ONLY you had paid attention to my commands

your peace would have been like a river

your righteousness like the waves of the sea