a hero?

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I am writing my book proposal. I know. I always say that. But this time for real. It’s been written. And re written. And re written again. So yeah, I’m re writing it. I’m sure not for the last time. Something I just read said that your book proposal should present your topic, describe an urgent gap in the topic and then introduce the author as the hero who will be able to fill that gap. I feel ultimately deflated and not able to be that hero. Obviously I don’t think of myself as any expert on any subject, let alone the subject of suffering. But I have to write this proposal suggesting myself as the hero who can fill a gap in this subject area?

My book is the heroic document that will solve the worlds suffering problem and bring healing to the masses.

Yeah right.

Surely that is not what is expected of me.

The real reason I started writing was selfishly only for myself. For my healing. I think it was very profitable. I explored my story. My feelings. I wrote them down and I was able to look at all the events and explore them all to see how those things were affecting my life. This four-year journey has been weird. And has had lots of ups and downs. I know that I have learned a lot of things. Most of them I still can’t even put into words. But I don’t think I am the hero.

I don’t know how to sell myself or sell my book to a publisher as someone who is filling a gap. Let alone the only one who is able to fill that gap. I know that there are gaps. I know that there are people suffering. Who feel like they are alone. And I think that is my main objective. To just put it out there and say hey I went through this, and I went through suffering and its maybe not the same as yours, but I felt it and I know kinda what you are feeling and there are lots of other people feeling it too and you aren’t alone! You are not alone!

But is that heroic?

I went to get special orthotics the other day. Like an old person. I know. LAME. The man fitting me for the orthotics was a double amputee. He lost his legs in a car accident. He asked for my story to get a better idea of what was going on with my foot and as I shared with him he was amazed. He walked me around the place introducing me to other workers exclaiming loudly that I was in a bomb and that I was a hero. I don’t know how being in a bomb makes me a hero. It’s not like I did it intentionally. Or saved anyone else’s life. I was in a bomb and I lived. But to me that isn’t heroic. It’s just stupid. Wrong place, wrong time. I survived. Which is good I guess. But where do heroics come into that?

Anyway, I’ve been thinking about that. How he kept telling me I was a hero. And I talk to my boss, a retired marine, who was in bombs but in defending and protecting our country. And I think he is a hero. But not me. He put himself in harm’s way to protect us. That is heroic.

A hero is defined as: “a person noted for courageous acts or nobility of character;
a person who, in the opinion of others, has special achievements, abilities, or personal qualities and is regarded as a role model or ideal; or the principal character in a story, play, film, etc. (dictionary.com) I certainly don’t feel like I had any courageous acts or nobility. But I would love to be distinguished as a role model and in the story of my life, that I am writing, I am the principal character.

So in this day, in this weird space, I am trying to figure out if I am a hero. And how to best present myself in that light even thought I don’t believe it about myself. Because I want this publisher to see me that way. I want him to be desperate to publish my book. But am I asking him to believe something about me that I don’t believe about myself. And do I need to believe it in order for it to indeed be true or is it a “fake it till you make it” situation? Am I the only one who can fill this gap? Am I the only one who can talk about suffering and how to get through it and how to learn from it and how to put God in the middle of it as the only means of actually making sense of it? No. Other people can do that. But I am the only one who can tell this story. And so, I am going to be this hero. And I am going back to writing my proposal. To convince the publisher that I am the hero worth having.

art shows

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Guys, I’ve been busy. I know. Lame excuse for a blogger. I should keep up with it better and I have been SLACKING! I know! I’m so sorry! But I have exciting news!

I have been weaving A LOT. And I recently entered two art shows, one here in Asheville, and one back in Rochester, NY. And I got into both of them! I am beyond excited, but also totally stressed because that not only means I have to have enough product for two shows, I also have to design a booth, and business cards, and probably a web site, and… so much more stuff!

So this is what I have been working on! I have been weaving like crazy. A friend at church gave me bags of yarn she didn’t need so I now have an amazing stash. And I am starting to plan a booth for a craft fair! I don’t even know what that entails, so I’m starting with research and planning and when I get back from Japan, (yes I’m going to Japan), I will start constructing a booth. Everything has to fit in my car because I’ll be driving up to NY for the show.

If you have any tips for building a booth for a craft fair let me know!

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If you want to visit either of my shows, here’s the info.

East West Pop Up March 23-25 278 Haywood Road Asheville North Carolina

Mayday Underground April 29, 10-5pm Village Gate Mall Rochester New York

I’ve applied for a few more shows, so I’ll keep you informed if I go to any other ones! If there are any in your town that you think I should be a part of let me know!

Hope everyone is doing well!

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2017

…and its another year.

Did you make new years resolutions?

I wasn’t going to. But then I thought I would just make two goals for my year. Is that the same as a resolution? I don’t know. My goals for 2017 are to take better care of myself. This is very broad. It encompasses physical, spiritual, and emotional things. Things like exercise. Eat better. Sleep more consistently. Don’t let people take advantage of me. Do things for myself. Ge more involved at church. Don’t say yes to everyone and everything. Etc. And the other goal is to finish my book. There are lots of smaller goals within these goals, but I didn’t want to make a huge list of things that I would think about until about January 11th and then totally forget about until December and then be disappointed with myself that I can’t follow through with anything. So I still have my goal to read 35 books for my 35th year. Slow going in that area. I think I’ve read maybe 9 since September? I need to get a move on! And then my two goals for 2017.

Keeping it simple folks!

How about you? I want to hear what resolutions you made. Or didn’t make. I hope you all had a great Christmas/New Years! I’m enjoying the warm “winter” weather down here!

the wound is where the light shines through

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Advent Day 9

“When you are brave, you give yourself the gift of facing and touching the torn places. The places where we’re torn to pieces can be thin places where we touch the peace of God…
What was intended to tear you apart, God intends it to set you apart.”
Ann Voskamp

“A prison cell, in which on waits, hopes… and is completely dependent on the fact that the door of freedom has to be opened from the outside, is not a bad picture of Advent.”
Dietrich Bonhoeffer

When have you seen God take what was torn and turn it into a gift? I’d love to hear your thought

*All quotations and questions taken from The Greatest Gift by Ann Voskamp

 

 

Love came down

Advent Day 8

“Sometimes you’re just the most tired of trying to be strong…When you are wrung out, that is the sign you’ve been reaching for rungs. The work at the very heart of salvations is the work of the very heart of Christmas: simply rest…
The wonder of all this – God looks at you at your lowest and loves you all the way up to the sky.”
Ann Voskamp

“It is good to be children sometimes, and never better than at Christmas,
When it’s mighty Founder was a child himself.”
Charles Dickens

How would your perspective on the dailyness of life change if you could see that here is holy?

*all quotations and questions taken from The Greatest Gift by Ann Voskamp

“to provide” means “to see”

Advent Day 7

“You don’t need to climb mountains named I Will Perform.
You don’t need to climb mountains named I will Produce.
Every mountain that every Christian ever faces, the Lord levels with sufficient grace:
The Lord Will Provide.”
Ann Voskamp

“Abraham looked up and there in a thicket he saw a ram caught by its horns. He went over and took the ram and sacrificed it as a burn offering instead of his son. So Abraham called that place [Yahweh-Yireh] The Lord Will Provide. 
Genesis 22:13-14

Name the ways God has provided grace for the gaps in your life.

*all quotations and questions taken from The Greatest Gift by Ann Voskamp

oxygenated grace

Advent Day 6

“That ache is not the last word for those who believe God. Jesus is. Jesus is the last word, and we rejoice and rejoice again and re-joy again because grace is our oxygen now.”
Ann Voskamp

“You have as much laughter as you have faith.”
Martin Luther

What impossible thing are you longing for?

*all quotations and questions taken from The Greatest Gift by Ann Voskamp

all is grace

Advent Day 5

“Only when you first unwrap the gifts of blessings to you can you be wrapped up as a gift of blessing to others. Only when you are overwhelmed with the goodness of God can you overflow with the goodness of God to others…The greatest gift God graces a soul with is His own presence.” Ann Voskamp

“It is no use for  you to attempt to sow out of an empty basket,
for that would deb sowing nothing but wind.”
Charles Spurgeon

What are some ways you can be a blessing to others?

*all quotations and questions taken from The Greatest Gift by Ann Voskamp

Rise

Advent Day 4

“Every flood of trouble remakes the topography of our souls – making us better or bitter.
Every trouble is a flood, and we can either rise up or sink down… Grace – it, too, has floods of its own… The way of heaven comes down so we can rise.”
Ann Voskamp

Strange, this familiar Father of prodigals whose love, too much for one lifetime, will that we shall share the feast of forgiveness and joy in the epilogue of eternity.
Strange, this day of advent of EMMANUEL.”
J. F. Wilson

When have you felt flooded, overwhelmed by the waters rising around you?

*all quotations and questions taken from The Greatest Gift by Ann Voskamp