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fully alive

20 Sunday Apr 2014

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ginamd's avatarGina DiMartino

Early on Sunday morning, while it was still dark, Mary Magdalene came to the tomb and found that the stone had been rolled away from the entrance.
The rising of the sun had made everything look so different – all colours and shadows were changed – that for a moment they didn’t see the important thing. Then they did. The Stone Table was broken into two pieces by a great crack that rand down it from end to end; and there was no Aslan.
Mary was standing outside the tomb crying, and as she wept, she stooped and looked in.
“Yes!” said a great voice behind their backs. “It is more magic.” They looked round. There, shining in the sunrise, larger than they had seem him before, shaking his mane stood Aslan himself.
“Mary!” Jesus said. She turned to him and cried out, “Rabboni!”
Both girls flung themselves upon him…

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I don’t feel stronger

18 Friday Apr 2014

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“The world breaks everyone and afterward
many are strong at the broken places.”
Hemingway

How do you feel alone in a city where there are millions of people. Surrounded by other survivors and people who support and love me, I still feel very isolated and alone. Everyone has grief this week. Everyone deals with it in their own way.

News people came over to interview me. I should have said no. I hate doing interviews. Mostly because they are more concerned with their “story” than they are concerned for me. They want a good scoop and they don’t care what they have to do to get it. So why did I say yes this time? I don’t know. I usually avoid the media. With the one year anniversary upon us, I know what she wanted to talk about. How far I’ve come this year. What I am still struggling with. What I’ve learned…

I have come a long way. I started off in the ICU. With a walker. Then with crutches and a full leg cast. Now I calk around barefoot in my house and with a small brace outdoors. I can go 2.7mph on the treadmill. I can pick up marbles with my toes. I didn’t know if they would ever move again. I have a great group of people who support me, love me, and pray for me. I wouldn’t have been able to get through this year without them. I learned so much about God’s strength. I learned so much about finding beauty in pain

But there are still tough days. For sure. I never feel great. I have a lot of back/shoulder/hip pain because of whats going on with my leg. There are days when I don’t want to get out of bed. I don’t really know how I feel about going to the marathon. I don’t really know how to process it. Kim and I were talking about it last night. We are going to go watch from a restaurant that is providing a place for survivors to watch away from the crowds. I don’t know how that will feel. Sometimes I think I will be fine walking through those same crowds again. Sometimes I don’t think I will be able to do it.

The Tribute event on Tuesday was so good. It was great to see people from the France trip, catch up with other survivors and meet some new ones. These people truly are strong. They are the definition of courage. It is so uplifting to be around them. We have all overcome unsurmountable odds. We have survived a terrorist attack. We are still standing. The Vice President’s speech was so eloquent. He said that the survivors, all of us, are defined by our courage.  “You have become the face of America’s resolve. You are the true definition of courage…” Mayor Menino spoke. With great difficulty in his failing health. He is such an inspiration of hope and a true example of a leader amidst chaos. He spoke from his heart. He spoke of our courage and of Boston’s support for us. “When lights dim and cameras go away, know that our support and love for you will never waiver.” He quoted Hemmingway: “The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong at the broken places,” He scanned the two sections in the audience that were full of survivors: “You are strong at this broken place.” Hope in this dark place. Hope for the future. Hope that this event one year ago is not what defines us. 

I usually feel pretty good. I usually feel like I can handle it. Like the bombing is my past, but not always on my mind. Most days it seems like a dream, far, far away. But this week. It is here. We are survivors. We remember. We find courage to walk in those places, retrace our steps, stand in the crowds. We are Boston Strong. But I don’t feel stronger.

God of Angel Armies

15 Tuesday Apr 2014

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One year later…this is still so true. I have lots of other thoughts about today, but I can’t put them into words just yet.

ginamd's avatarGina DiMartino

The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear him, and he delivers them.
Psalm 34:7

I’ve spoken to so many people today and the same subject keeps coming up so I can’t help but put down a few thoughts about it. Maybe it will answer some questions for you. Or maybe it will just make you more confused.

There are lots of photographs on the news or online or in magazines of the bombing. We are in a lot of them. We were a large group, so it is expected that of the 10 of us, we’d show up in a few pictures. I’m wearing a fuchsia tshirt, so I’m easy to spot. Anyway. I haven’t really looked at any of the pictures. I haven’t watched any of the news. I lived it, I don’t want to see it over and over. For me that works, for others…

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healing is in your hand

09 Wednesday Apr 2014

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Now by Your grace I stand
Healing is in Your hand

A few weeks ago we had a conference at our church. A man I haven’t seen in a long time approached me and asked how I was healing since the bombing and said that him and his family continue to pray for me. It always amazes me that so many people STILL pray for me. I am so blown away by this and I LOVE it. “So, you can stand?” he asked. I was STANDING there talking to him…how do you respond to that?? I couldn’t be sarcastic… so I just smiled and said “Yes, yes I can stand!” haha we chatted for a few seconds more and he walked away. I added his comment to my list of “strange things people say to you when you’ve been blown up”, and didn’t really think any more of it. Until right now.

This weekend I went to Passion City Church in Atlanta with my friend Biagio. I love Passion City and was so excited to be able to finally GO there for church! It was so refreshing. We sang this song during worship and I just started crying. What truth. Only by God’s grace I can STAND. Healing has come directly from His hand. I don’t think I have really thought about the words of that song. Like really thought about them. I know it had more meaning to me now. Now that my injuries limit my movement and walking and standing. But I do know that it is only by the grace of God that I am standing. And so yes, to the dear old man who asked me if I could stand. Almost a year after the bombing. Almost a year after my leg was almost ripped off my body. YES! I can stand! And it is only by God’s grace.

 

 

The entire service was so great. You can watch the sermon by Louie Giglio here 

Mended: Thoughts on Fear, Love, & Leaps of Faith by Anna White

27 Thursday Mar 2014

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Mended: Thoughts on Fear, Love, & Leaps of Faith
by Anna White

When Anna approached me and asked me to read her book and write a review I was so excited! I love writing reviews and love authors reaching out to me to read their new books. I love the dedication of the book “For my husband. Whose love showed me it is possible to be both broken and beautiful.” How true is that of each of us? How much is that something that I have been churning in my mind since the bombing. If not in those same words. “Both broken and beautiful.”

I love how she shared that her normal response to suffering is to withdraw. To retreat into herself. But when she suffered a miscarriage and shared her grief, wrote about it, told others about it, people rose up who had been through the same thing, who knew what she was going through, who could carry her through her sorrow and helped her heal. I can totally relate. Healing only happens when you open up, let it go, share it. It is amazing how many people will stand up and say “I’ve been there, I know what you’re going through, let me walk with you.”

Anna shares a lot about her suffering, her struggles, her growth. I feel like it all ties in. Suffering. Growth. She quotes Chris Cleave; “We must see all scars as beauty. Because take it from me, a scar does not form on the dying. A scar means, I survived.”

The book reads as journal entries. Short little nuggets of life. A few paragraphs about each topic. She writes about fear, grief, love and God. He is the hope. Light in the darkness. Our perfect love.  “No matter how old we are, not matter what our deepest words are, this is what the Father whispers: You too are worthy. You too are loved. You too are precious.”

I hope if you are struggling or in a dark place you can pick up this book and find some hope.

 

What’s so good about suffering?

20 Thursday Mar 2014

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Sometimes it seems like pain and suffering surrounds me. Pete & Rebekah, friends from the bombing, friends going through hard times. It’s all around. My good friend Lindsay has been training to run the Boston Marathon, inspired to run after we were injured one year ago. Last week she injured her leg and continued to run on it for 20 miles. She is now on crutches, in a boot, and can’t feel her toes. (she wanted to be just like me) She wrote a great post about this experience and I just re-blogged it, so make sure you read it. But as this was fresh on my mind, I decided to keep blogging thoughts from The Storyline Conference. The first line of session three says “What’s so good about suffering?” Isn’t that really the question…

In the end of Genesis we meet Joseph. He was the son of Jacob and Rachel. He was his father’s favorite and therefore despised by his brothers. They threw him in a pit, told their father he was dead and then sold him into slavery. While a slave, he was accused of raping his masters wife and thrown into jail. Then he was forgotten in jail and abandoned by his friends who promised to help get him out. Sounds like he suffered right?

Every great story has one thing in common. Because change can’t happen without conflict, great characters always redeem their challenges. Character change can’t happen without conflict. Joy is what you experience after pain changes you. Joseph never acted like a victim. Because of this, he was qualified to lead later on. If he had acted like a victim, the end of the story would be completely different. He wouldn’t have interpreted Pharaoh’s dreams. He wouldn’t have helped prepare Egypt for the famine. He wouldn’t have saved all of Egypt and his entire family, the people of Israel. Joseph had no idea about this. When his brothers threw him in a pit and left him to die he didn’t know what God was planning. I’m sure he never thought he was preparing to be the second most powerful man in Egypt. At the end of the story Joseph tells his brothers “Do not be distressed or angry with yourselves because you sold me here, for God sent me before you to preserve life…to preserve for you a remnant on earth, and to keep alive for you many survivors. So it was not you who sent me here, but God…As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today.” Genesis 45:5-8 & 50:20

Suffering well doesn’t mean being an optimist about suffering. Suffering is painful, it needs to be grieved. But God can turn your suffering into a blessing. Joseph suffered so he could save many lives. So in your suffering, in the pit you have been thrown into, how are you partnering with God to save many lives? Jesus sees your pain and He wants to do something beautiful with it. Just because you can’t see the end doesn’t mean he can’t. Suffering ceases to be suffering at the moment it finds a meaningful context. God can help you redeem your negative turns.

(not)Invincible

19 Wednesday Mar 2014

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My amazing, inspiring, beautiful friend Lindsay who decided she wanted to be just like me and experience crutches, a boot, and nerve pain. ❤ Love you girl!

lindsaykukla's avatargloriousjoydotcom

I’m realizing that I have the really bad habit of writing as an outpour of PAIN. I guess when harsh reality comes crashing down, I don’t know what else to do besides allow the lull of the monotonous clicking of the keyboard to calm me, my emotions being sifted like the fine flour and the obnoxious clumps of cupcake ingredients.

A few weeks ago, my pastor Michael shared a story from the book of Acts. In the story, Paul and Timothy are trying to decide where to head next on their missionary journey. They head north, only to be rejected and turned back around. They head east…no such luck. Eventually, God appears in Paul’s dream, telling him to go west. I want to question: “hey, God, couldn’t you have given them a heads up before they trekked hundreds of miles on donkeys (or whatever else they road) and spent months…

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What would you do if you could do anything?

14 Friday Mar 2014

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Session 2 started out with Allison Vesterfelt asking us the question “What would you do if you could do anything?” Think about it for a while. Its a tough question. I don’t even really know how I would answer it myself. What would I do if I could do anything…

Dreaming is not selfish. In a story, great characters know what they want and they work to get it. If they didn’t, we wouldn’t be interested in their story. Who wants to read about people wandering aimlessly with no purpose or end in sight? Could the people closest to you identify what you want out of life and what you’re actually doing to get it? We were not designed to be static people, we were designed to move. If you’re life doesn’t have any direction, it doesn’t make sense. Going after what you want, even if you fail, is still better than doing nothing or being complacent. Comfort never creates good stories.

Jon Acuff shared with us that in order to have a meaningful story you don’t need a perfect vision. You don’t need to ask your adventures for details. If adventures came with details, they’d be errands. And sure, you will be afraid, but fear isn’t the same thing as regret. A life makes sense when the characters know what they want.

Donald Miller talked about God and His relationship with us. He said that God is not a controlling, dysfunctional Father. He looks at us and asks, “Hey, what can we do together?” There are times when we are waiting for God to do something and He is waiting for us to do something. When God has a specific plan, it is very, very clear. It is not vague. Sometimes he lets us decide what to do. If you’re going to start a new story, you have to say YES. Keep going through those open doors until one is closed. Keep saying yes until it’s a no.

1. Where God commands, we must obey.
2. Where there is no command, God gives us the wisdom, responsibility, and freedom to choose.
3. When we have chosen what is moral and wise, we must trust the sovereign God to work all the details together for good.

Don’t ignore your dreams! What would you do if you could do anything? What would happen if you said “yes” to something that scares you? What if you took that job, or wrote that book, or moved to that city? What adventure do you need to go on? It’s exciting isn’t it?

 

What will the world miss if you do not tell your story?

11 Tuesday Mar 2014

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I am behind in blogging about my adventures! San Diego and The Storyline Conference was such a highlight of the year! (And its only March!) Visiting my friend Liza in San Francisco was a blast, and now I’m looking forward to Asheville and Peter’s wedding. I have been all over the place it seems. This crazy journey since the bombing has taken me to Kansas, NYC, San Diego, San Francisco, Boston (several times), Maine, Prince Edward Island, France, Asheville, Dallas, San Antonio, Austin… YIPES!

The Storyline conference was amazing. I loved every single moment of it. I met Bob Goff, Don Miller, and my favorite, Shauna Niequist! I learned so much. My notebook is full of notes. Full. I feel like I need to listen to all the sessions again to get my thoughts in order, but I will try to share my biggest takeaways from each session.

The first session was with Donald Miller, Randal Wallace (wrote screenplay for Braveheart), and Mike Foster (People of the Second Chance). All amazing people, all with amazing stories. They all touched on finding a deeper sense of meaning. The big question asked was “What will the world miss if I do not tell my story?”  We are all designed to experience meaning. To live life to the fullest. In order to do this, some things you need are a project that serves others, intimate, safe relationships (shared experiences), and a redemptive perspective on suffering. Suffering isn’t going to go away. When you make it through one trial there will certainly be another, but suffering is only suffering when it ceases to have a context.

We learned about redeeming our negative turns. Turning suffering into something meaningful gives it a context and helps you to see past the pain and actually learn something and grow from it. This is always so hard for me to do. It is so hard to see past the suffering to see what God is doing. Sometimes it takes years to be able to look back and realize that the hard times you were going through were actually preparing you for whatever you are currently facing. But there is always something redemptive in our suffering. Sometimes it is learning a lesson, or growing, or being able to empathize with someone else. Recognizing the redemptive turns helps give meaning to our suffering.

So the big question is “What will the world miss if you do not tell your story?” What is your suffering teaching you, and how can you make it meaningful?

For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us.
Romans 8:18