funny isn’t it? how something you thought you wanted for so long can suddenly dim in comparison to something better? its late and i should be sleeping because i have to work early, but thoughts roll around my head and maybe its just time to put some of them down in writing. coming home was very anti-climactic. going back to work was near torture. but 3 people i love very much came all the way out to my store to see me. i felt so special. then a bunch of my friends planned a bon fire at my house and showed up with beers, cigars, and babies. yup. that combination. i guess it was just nice to feel loved after coming home from vacation. its nice to be missed. its nice to hold a sweet baby while he laughs and eats graham crackers. its nice to be with friends. and stare into bon fires. its also nice to realize that you want a lot of different things than you did before. that things you begged God for that you thought you needed or couldn’t live without don’t matter anymore. i’m feeling adventurous. i feel like i’ve seen and experienced things that are more than how i’m living my life now. more than my ideal. people always says God wants what is best for you. and i so often get frustrated with Him for not giving me what I want. but I guess on my vacation maybe I just got a little glimpse of how His gifts and blessings can be so much more than even my biggest desires. i want to want what God wants for me.(does that even make sense!?) i don’t ever want to set my sights low. when you see what God has for you, His plans, all your plans just look like junk. i don’t want any junk.

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