Imagine you are a bus driver. You have a beautiful new bus that you can design and decorate any way you want. You have spent time making it look so cozy and inviting. There are only two rules about your bus. 1. You have to follow your designated bus route. 2. You have to pick up everyone at the bus stop that wants to get on your bus. You can’t turn anyone away.

You start your first day of work so excited! Your bus looks great, its a sunny day and you are so excited to meet people and drive around your beautiful city. The first stop comes into view and there are three older woman laughing and talking waiting for you. They look like they are having the time of their lives! You are so happy to welcome them onto your bus. Their names are Joy, Hope, and Faith. They chat with you as they board and sit in comfy seats around you and continue their happy banter as you progress to the next stop.

As you approach the next stop you see a man standing there. He is the scariest looking man you have ever see. He looks ANGRY. You hesitate. You don’t want him coming onto your bus. But… rule #2. So you stop and open the door. He GLARES at you as he comes up the steps and sits in the very back right behind you, so every time you look in the rear view mirror you can see him staring angrily at you.

And you move on.

The bus is you. The people on the bus are your emotions, events happening in your life, bad days, good days, chronic pain, migraines, laughter, etc… The point? Who is driving your bus? YOU. You should be driving your bus. You shouldn’t let any of those other things/feelings/events drive your bus. It is YOUR BUS. This is a scenario I talked with my therapist about the other day. Who is driving your bus? The point is you can continue on your day, go through and fulfill all your responsibilities, hang out with friends, go to your job etc, with these things/feelings/events sitting on your bus. They are just passengers. You are still in charge of the bus’ route. But as soon as you let anger, or fear, or pain start driving the bus, you lose control of where the bus is going.

Today my pain is driving my bus. It has been a LONG day. A HARD day. A day filled with a lot of tears. I went to band practice, and then I stopped in at a party. I knew like 5 people and I felt so alone and out of place, so I left after 5 minutes. As I was driving home I looked in my rear view mirror and looked at my pain and said “ MAN I JUST WISH YOU WOULD GET OFF MY BUS!” I know it doesn’t work like that, but in that moment it felt good to yell at it. Tomorrow is a new day. Fresh with no mistakes. Fresh with me starting at the wheel. Hopefully pain will have a harder time taking over tomorrow.

Who’s driving your bus?

I hope it’s you.