Its been 116 days. 116 days since I have felt my toes. Since I have worn two shoes. Since our world was blown to pieces. And today it feels like it. I have to remind myself, the doctor said 400 days. That means I’m 1/4 of the way there. The hardest 1/4 is over with. There will probably be no more surgeries, casts, open wounds, blown eardrums, or bed pans in the next 3/4. I have to keep telling myself the glass is half full. Most days I can stay positive. I can keep my mind off of it. Off the pain, the frustration, the exhaustion. But not always. Some days the glass is just half empty.

I started walking on a treadmill. Its been 2 weeks. I hold onto the sides, and I walk. I started at .8 mph. For 9 minutes. I made myself go up a speed and up a minute every day. I got up to 1.7 mph and 14 minutes. That is a victory. I intend to keep increasing both my pace and time. I also started doing a leg press with both legs. Also improvement. Also I can move my ankle back and forth a little. Up and down doesn’t work yet, but you can tell the muscles are trying so hard. I also walk around my house with no crutches at all. I use them when I go out of the house, but I can function most of the day without them.

I think sometimes when you are so close to something it is so hard to see the tiny improvements you are making each day. Its nice when people notice. When people at church made a huge deal about me not being in a wheel chair. When I finally got to play with the worship band again last week and I had people I never met coming up to me so excited to see me up on the stage. When one of the PT assistants wasn’t there for a few days so when he saw me again was astonished that I was walking on a treadmill, and doing the leg press. Through the eyes of other people I see improvements. I have to remind myself of where I was. When Dara wouldn’t let me use crutches without supervision. When I mostly traveled by wheel chair and ambulance. When I had a full leg cast. When I couldn’t put any weight on my foot. When my leg was bent at a 70 degree angle for 12 weeks. See. I have come so far in this first quarter.

Perspective.

I love Meredith Andrews lately. All her songs seem to speak to me. This one in particular. About all our pieces.

It’s a complex puzzle you call your life
It’s an uphill climb, it’s a constant fight
And it wears you down
Feeling like you’re alone, like you don’t belong
And you won’t be loved if you don’t measure up
And you wear your scars
Like they’re who you are

Give Him your wounds, your bruised and broken pieces
All your questions, all your secrets
You don’t have to hide who you are
You belong to someone greater
Than all your past mistakes and failures
Rest in who He is
He knows how to make your pieces fit

He’s the light on the road when you’re lost in the dark
And He won’t run away if you show your heart
Wants you to believe it
You can taste that freedom

Give Him your wounds, your bruised and broken pieces
All your questions, all your secrets
You don’t have to hide who you are
You belong to someone greater
Than all your past mistakes and failures
Rest in who He is
He knows how to make your pieces fit

You are completely known
You are completely loved
This is where you belong

Give Him your wounds, your bruised and broken pieces
All your questions, all your secrets
You don’t have to hide who you are
You belong to someone greater
Than all your past mistakes and failures
Rest in who He is
He knows how to make your pieces fit