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We’re nearing the end of our Beth Moore study on James. This morning I french pressed my coffee and sat at my table in my room basked in sunlight. We’re on chapter five. Talking about money, hoarding, patience and rewards. I prayed about my money situation. Or lack of money situation. I prayed I wouldn’t be someone who has more things than I need. I prayed that I would be generous with all that I have and that I would remember that everything I have really belongs to God.

Then we were talking about the sufferings of Job. Job didn’t know why he was being tested, but he never doubted God. In the end God blessed him with a double portion. He gave him more than he had at the beginning. I prayed for a double portion. I prayed for wisdom concerning my job and I begged God to help me find a way to make some extra money because I don’t know how I will pay all the bills I have due next week. I have been living only on my tip money since I came to Kansas. I think I have been very frugal. But I still feel like I am burdened by my debt and that’s not a feeling that is very comfortable. I want to honor God with my money and I want to be wise and debt free. That is something I am striving hard towards. But sometimes it does seem like an endless journey. I know my suffering is NOWHERE near that of Job. I’m not trying to compare myself to him in any way. But I do want to have the same response that he had. I want to trust God completely and never doubt Him. So I left my morning reprieve refreshed and confident that no matter what job I have, God will provide.

As I washed my car before work Lecrae blasting in my ears reiterated what I had just been studying.

Your goodness. Your mercy. (More!)
I’m hungry. I’m thirsty. (More!)
Your love and Your grace. (More!)
I just need a taste. (More!)
Your peace and Your passion. (More!)
Your joy and compassion. (More!)
You got it I need it. (More!)
I just gotta have it.

And I’m dieing to know You. Wake me up and let me read.
Treat Your words so if they cut me this is what I bleed.
Give me a double feature.
Give me a triple portion.
I’m coming back for seconds, thirds, fourth, more, more, more!

When I got to work it was as usual. Chaos. Busy. Loud customers demanding coffee to satisfy their cravings. I sank into the chair in the back room for a few moments of silence before stepping onto that riotous scene. There was a note in my work mailbox. I pulled it out. Based on Gina’s review 9/28/12 and her excellent score of CE (that’s the highest I can get) she will be getting a bonus for the quarter in the amount of $xxx.xx (more than my weekly paycheck) Upon processing this bonus, I realized that she had never been awarded her bonus from last year 9/28/11 so $xxx.xx (same amount) will also be added to her bonus this year… I read it five times. I handed it to my manager and asked her if it said what I thought it was saying. “You’re getting all that money…Yes!” YES! Oh my goodness! I prayed this morning that God would bless me with a double portion. And in my head I was thinking double portion of grace, mercy, patience…it never entered my mind that it would be MONEY. But here staring in my face was a DOUBLE bonus! What an amazing blessing. It won’t clear all my debt. But it will help immensely. And what an answer to prayer. And how humbling. As Beth said this morning, “God knows how everything will turn out. And for every single person who belongs to Him, it turns out well.” May I never doubt Him. May I always ask. I know the answer won’t always be so immediate and so visible, but as Job so finely puts it…

I know that my Redeemer lives, and that in the end he will stand upon the earth. And after my skin has been destroyed, yet in my flesh I will see God; I myself will see him with my own eyes – I and not another. How my heart yearns within me!
Job 19:25-27

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