I can’t even put into words all that these past few weeks have been. My life has been a crazy conglomeration of weddings, working, not sleeping enough, crying, stressing, exercising, reading, and being completely unsure how to get a bajillion things done in a small amount of time.
I did a ton of wedding stuff, almost quit my job. Got in a fight with my boss. Ended up having to have a confrontational meeting with someone I work with. More wedding stuff. My grandpa got sick, so everyone was stressed about that. 600 cookies to make…(weddings)…lost 16 pounds, (yes 16) conflict with another person, had to have a confrontation with them also…I am TIRED!
If you know me at all you know how much I hate confrontation. Hate. Avoid. Do not do. At first I wanted to refuse. Cancel, not show up. Seriously, confrontation gives me anxiety. I think my stomach has been upset 6 out of the last 8 days.
But Hebrews has been kicking my butt this week. So much stuff about enduring discipline, keeping the faith even if you don’t see the promises fulfilled, and one verse popped out at me whilst reading yesterday: Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy, without holiness no one will see the Lord. Hebrews 12:14
I had no desire to repair the relationships or show love to these people. I just wanted to walk away and never see or talk to them again. But I knew that was wrong. I knew I had to “make every effort to live in peace”…ugh!
Two confrontations later, I’m still alive. I stood up for myself, remained kind and professional, and with so much help from my Savior, patched things up the best I could. But it doesn’t stop there. The next verses gripped me and pulled me along. Because in confrontation it is SO easy to become bitter, resentful, unforgiving. I know when people wrong me or are mean to me, the farthest thing from my mind is kindness and forgiveness.
But yes, back to Hebrews: See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many. Hebrews 12:1 No bitter root… Ah how quickly I am to become bitter. Why does it have to be SO hard? When people act wrongly towards me, I first of all internalize everything and don’t tell them how they are making me feel. But then, I let it fester inside of me and I become so bitter. And so hurt. I think these verses are some of the hardest for me to live out. Ok I can live at peace with people, but that bitter root…this will be something I need to work at.
Every. Single. Day.
So yeah, I haven’t posted a real post in forever, and this is a mash-up of what’s been going on. Things are a little crazy but they are winding down. In 5 days I hop in a rental car and drive down to North Carolina to spend 2 amazing weeks with my beautiful sis before she gets married! SO EXCITED. I’ll definitely be putting up pics of stuff I have made for all these weddings, just some things are surprises so I can’t talk about them yet!